Humour in Court

The last one is the best.....
Q & A's in Courts.

The following comments are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court stenographers who had the torment of not laughing while these exchanges were taking place.

*Question:* What is your date of birth
*Response:* July 15th.
*Question:* What year?
*Response:* Every year.
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*Question:* This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
*Response:* Yes.
Question:* And in what ways does it affect your memory?
Response:* I forget.
*Question:* You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? ______________________________________
*Question:* How old is your son, the one living with you?
Response:* Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
*Question:* How long has he lived with you?
*Response:* Forty-five years.
______________________________________
*Question:* Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult? Response:* We both do.
*Question:* Voodoo?
*Response:* We do.
Question:* You do?
Response:* Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________

*Question:* Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
Response:* Did you actually pass the bar exam? ______________________________________
*Question:* The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
Response:* He's twenty.
______________________________________

Question:* Were you present when your picture was taken? ______________________________________
*Question:* So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
Response:* Yes.
*Question: And what were you doing at that time? ___________________________________________
*Question: *She had three children, right?
*Response:* Yes.
*Question:* How many were boys?
Response:* None.
Question:* Were there any girls?
_____________________________________
Question:* How was your first marriage terminated?
*Response:* By death.
Question:* And by whose death was it terminated? ______________________________________
*Question:* Can you describe the individual?
Response:* He was about medium height and had a beard.
*Question:* Was this a male or a female?
______________________________________
Question:* Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Response:* All my autopsies are performed on dead people. _____________________________________
*Question:* ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
*Response:* Oral.
______________________________________
Question:* Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
Response:* The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
*Question:* And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
*Response:* No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. _____________________________________
*Question:* Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
*Response:* No.
*Question:* Did you check for blood pressure?
*Response:* No.
*Question:* Did you check for breathing?
*Response:* No.
*Question:* So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? *Response:* No.
Question:* How can you be so sure, Doctor?
*Response:* Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Question:* But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
*Response:* Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.