BEWARE ! Nine Words Women Use

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'. that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F---YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

* Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.* Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, 'cause they know it's true!!!

[ Contributed by Ronnie Lim ]

What goes around comes around

What goes around comes around in a full circle.

How to sell a dead donkey?
A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died last night."
Kenny replied: "Well then, just give me my money back."
The farmer said: "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
Kenny said: "OK then, just unload the donkey.."
The farmer asked: "What ya gonna do with him?"
Kenny: "I'm going to raffle him off."
(Note: To raffle is to sell a thing by lottery - draw lot - to a group of people each paying the same amount for a ticket)
Farmer: "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
Kenny: "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."
A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"
Kenny: "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898.00."
Farmer: "Didn't anyone complain?"
Kenny: "Just the guy who won.
So I gave him back his two dollars."
Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of Enron.
But Enron finally collapsed just like that donkey???
What goes around comes around in a full circle.

[ Contributed bt TF Chan ]

How your car can be hijacked! WARNING!

Subject: Police Warning ON CAR STICKER ON REAR WINDSCREEN OF CAR!

Warning..!!!! Warning..!!!!

Just last weekend on Friday night we parked in a public parking area. As we drove away I noticed a sticker on the rear window of the car. When I took it off after I got home, it was a receipt for gas. Luckily my friend told me not to stop as it could be someone waiting for me to get out of the car.
Then we received this email yesterday:

WARNING FROM POLICE
THIS APPLIES TO BOTH WOMEN AND MEN
BEWARE OF PAPER ON THE BACK WINDOW OF YOUR VEHICLE-- NEW WAY TO DO CARJACKINGS (NOT A JOKE)'

Heads up everyone!
Please, keep this circulating..... You walk across the parking lot, unlock your car and get inside. You start the engine and shift into Reverse. When you look into the rearview mirror to back out of your parking space, you notice a piece of paper stuck to the middle of the rear window.
So, you shift into Park, unlock your doors, and jump out of your car to remove that paper (or whatever it is) that is obstructing your view. When you reach the back of your car, that is when the carjackers appear out of nowhere, jump into your car and take off. They practically mow you down as they speed off in your car.
And guess what, ladies? I bet your purse is still in the car. So now the carjacker has your car, your home address, your money, and your keys. Your home and your whole identity are now compromised!
BEWARE OF THIS NEW SCHEME THAT IS NOW BEING USED...
If you see a piece of paper stuck to your back window, just drive away. Remove the paper later. And be thankful that you read this e-mail. I hope you will forward this to friends and family, especially to women. A purse contains all kinds of personal information and identification documents, and you certainly do NOT want this to fall into the wrong hands.
Please keep this going and tell all your friends.

[ Contributed by TF Chan ]

Don't feed raisins, grapes, chocolate or onions to dogs!

I have checked the various reports about the danger of feeding your pet dogs raisins, grapes,
chocolate, macadamia nuts and onions.... on snopes.com. It is TRUE!
Reports of Grapes and Raisins Causing Problems in Dogs

Veterinary toxicologists at the Animal Poison Control Center are currently investigating cases where dogs have developed kidney failure after ingestion of large quantities of grapes and raisins. The veterinary toxicologists are attempting to determine the causative agents or disease processes. Pet owners whose dogs have ingested large quantities of grapes or raisins, or veterinarians managing such cases, are encouraged to call the ASPCA Animal Poison Control Center (888) 426-4435 immediately.

The following information was obtained from the ASPCA's Animal Poison Control Center's EMail News Alert:
"STRANGE FRUIT?
ASPCA REPORTS ON CASES OF CANINE KIDNEY FAILURE FROM GRAPES AND RAISINS

In response to reports of dogs developing kidney failure after eating large amounts of grapes or raisins, the ASPCA Animal Poison Control Center (APCC) conducted a review of all related cases in its database. Veterinary toxicologists found that all of the companion canines developed vomiting within six hours of ingestion; the estimated amounts of grapes or raisins eaten ranged from nine ounces to two pounds. Other commonly reported signs included diarrhea, anorexia, lethargy and abdominal pain, and all of the dogs developed evidence of kidney disfunction. Adds APCC's Charlotte Means, DVM, "Whether the ingested grapes were purchased fresh from grocery stores or grown in private yards didn't seem to matter, nor did the brand eaten." Clinical signs lasted for several days--sometimes even weeks. And after aggressive treatment, which included intravenous fluids and medications, half of the dogs recovered, while the others died or had to be euthanized.
At present, the exact role of grapes or raisins in these cases--what exactly is the toxic component--is still unclear. But a dog who has ingested large amounts can now be diagnosed and treated successfully. The first line of defense is decontamination, and the canine should be hospitalized and placed on IV fluids. If the blood work appears normal after three days, it's unlikely that kidney failure will occur; if there is evidence of renal failure, more aggressive treatment--including fluids, medication and possibly dialysis--is called for. For more on treating and identifying poisoning from grapes and raisins, please visit APCC online.
If you suspect that your dog has ingested large quantities of raisins or grapes--or any other potentially dangerous substance--call your veterinarian or the APCC's emergency hotline at 1-888-4-ANI-HELP for round-the-clock telephone assistance. For more information on poison prevention, go to APCC online.

UPDATE: ARE TOO MANY GRAPES AND RAISINS BAD FOR DOGS?

When ASPCA News Alert ran an item two weeks ago (August 22, 2002) on the incidence of poisoning in dogs from the ingestion of large amounts of grapes and raisins, many readers wanted to know more. We checked in with the ASPCA Animal Poison Control Center's Dr. Jill A. Richardson for the answers to your questions:
Several canine caretakers wrote in to say that they would no longer give their pets the occasional grape or raisin as a treat. "There are many people who have decided to do the same thing," responds Richardson, "but no one has reported poisoning from their pets ingesting the occasional single grape or raisin. The cases we have received involved ingestion of 2 ounces to 4.4 ounces."
Dog-owning reader Bill Benson was concerned that the few slices of banana he regularly shares with his basenji at breakfast could be harmful to her. Not to worry--"Bananas are okay," says Richardson.
B.J. Shultis e-mailed us about the family's 11-year-old dog, who has had fresh fruit and veggie snacks--including grapes, lettuce and carrots--throughout his life. "After all the years of giving him grapes as treats, could he still possibly get kidney dysfunction?" Shultis asks. Replies Richardson, "We haven't had any reports of dogs developing long-term effects from small ingestion of grapes--one or two as treats, I assume--over the years."
"Can grapes or raisins hurt small animals such as rats and gerbils?" wonders Paula Lizotte. The APCC has not yet received a case involving small animals, or pocket pets, and grapes or raisins. "But we still don't know why some types of the fruit are causing problems and others are not," says Richardson. "And we have had one case of kidney failure in a cat who ate raisins."
For more information on poison prevention, please visit APCC online."

A Great Bodybuilding joke!

The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says,
'What a Great chest you have!'
He tells her, 'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.'

He takes off his pants and the blonde says,'What massive calves you have!'

The body builder tells her, 'That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby.'

He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear.

The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.
The blonde replies, 'I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!'

Could not stop laughing ! Haha.