People with Poor Memory better not tell Jokes!

A lesson to be learnt !!
A special warning to older folks eh?


A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience.
He said: "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife !"

The audience was in silence and shock.
The speaker added: "And that woman was my mother!"
Laughter and applause.

A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home.
He was a bit foggy after a drink.
He said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner,
"The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife !"

The wife went "ah!" with shock and rage.
Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who she was!"

By the time the manager regained his consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling water.

Moral of the story: Don't copy if you can't remember!

[ Contributed by William Teo...thanks! ]

Good WARNING to all MEN !

NINE WORDS & PHRASES WOMEN USE.... hmmm...women.

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' .. that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

* Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.

* Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know it's true!!!

[ Contributed by Rosalind P....thanks, unk Dicko. ]

A 98 Year old woman writes to her bank.

A SENIOR MOMENT - I HOPE I HAVE THEM LIKE THIS

Supposedly...............
A 98 year old woman in the UK wrote this to her bank.
The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the Times.

Dear Sir,
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three 'nanoseconds' must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it.
I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Pension, an arrangement, which, I admit, has been in place for only thirty eight years.
You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account £30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you,
I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded,
faceless entity which your bank has become.
From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.
My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic,
but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.
Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.
Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Solicitor,
and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.

In due course, I will issue your employee with PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.
I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again,
I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.
As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Let me level the playing field even further.
When you call me, press buttons as follows:
1 - To make an appointment to see me.
2 - To query a missing payment.
3 - To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
4 - To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
5 - To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
6 - to transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
7 - To leave a message on my computer (a password to access my computer is required.
A password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.)
8 - To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through to 8.
9-To make a general complaint or inquiry,
the contact will then be put on hold,
pending the attention of my automated answering service.
While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait,
uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example,
I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.
Your Humble Client
(Remember: This was written by a 98 year old woman; DOESN'T SHE MAKE YOU PROUD!) ***********************************************************************************

Can We Get Married In Heaven?

Marriage in Heaven

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple was involved in a fatal car accident.
The couple foundthemselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven?

When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in heaven.
St. Peter said, "I don't know.
This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out," and he left..
The couple sat and waited for an answer... for a couple of months.
While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons.
If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all.
"What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?"

Another month passed.
St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.
"Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."
"Great!" said the couple. "But we were just wondering;
what if things don't work out could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.
"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.
"OH, COME ON!!!" St. Peter shouted.
It took me 3 months to find a priest up here!
Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer???"

The Stimulus Bill...in simple terms!

The Stimulus Bill

Shortly after class, an economics student approaches his economics professor and says,
“I don’t understand this stimulus bill. Can you explain it to me?”
The professor replied,
“I don’t have any time to explain it at my office, but if you come over to my house on Saturday and help me with my weekend project, I’ll be glad to explain it to you.”
The student agreed.

At the agreed-upon time, the student showed up at the professor’s house.
The professor stated that the weekend project involved his backyard pool.
They both went out back to the pool, and the professor handed the student a bucket. Demonstrating with his own bucket, the professor said,
“First, go over to the deep end, and fill your bucket with as much water as you can.”
The student did as he was instructed.
The professor then continued,
“Follow me over to the shallow end, and then dump all the water from your bucket into it.”
The student was naturally confused, but did as he was told.
The professor then explained they were going to do this many more times, and began walking back to the deep end of the pool.

The confused student asked,
“Excuse me Prof, but why are we doing this?” The professor matter-of-factly stated that he was trying to make the shallow end much deeper.
The student didn’t think the economics professor was serious,
but figured that he would find out the real story soon enough.

However, after the 6th trip between the shallow end and the deep end,
the student began to become worried that his economics professor had gone mad.
The student finally replied, “All we’re doing is wasting valuable time and effort on unproductive pursuits. Even worse, when this process is all over , everything will be at the same level it was before, so all you’ll really have accomplished is the destruction of what could have been truly productive action!”

The professor put down his bucket and replied with a smile, “Congratulations. You now understand the stimulus bill."

7 Habits of Highly Effective Ah Bengs

Steven Covey's famous 7 habits for successful people are nothing more than a free adaptation of very common Hokkien phrases ( surprised ? )

So why pay thousands of dollars to attend talks when your grand-parents, parents, spouses and even the auntie who sweeps the floor can give you the same kind of advice FOC, every day?

No 1: Be Pro-ActiveKin Ka Kin Chiew ( Fast leg, fast hand )

Habit No 2: Sharpen the SawToh Bua Lai Lai ( Make the knife sharp )

Habit No 3: Begin with the End In MindOoh Tao Ooh Buay ( Have head, have tail )

Habit No 4: First Things FirstChik Hung Chik Hung Lai - Ban Ban Lai( One thing at a time, slow and steady ); orCho Tow Seng ( Do first ; talk later )

Habit No 5: Think Win-WinLong Chong Ai Yarh ( Must win everything ) This is definitely not thinking win-win. This is a zero sum game. Win everything!

Habit No 6: Seek To Understand Rather Than To Be UnderstoodCho Lang Ai Eh Beng Pek ( You must be understanding )

Habit No 7: SynergizeTai Kay Ai Hup Chop ( All must cooperate )

Enjoy the Humour!

3 Good Jokes!

Chinese Adam & Eve:

If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would still be in paradise because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake.

Three Feelings:

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and Panic is when both are pregnant.

A tap on the driver
A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something.. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver said, "Please, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me." The passenger, who was also frightened, apologized and said he didn't realize that a tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much. To which the driver replied, "I'm sorry, it's really not your fault at all. Today is my first day driving a cab. I have been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."

Follow Beethoven...GO BANANAS !

Going Bananas
The story is that Beethoven never missed his banana meals. And that is why one of his famous operas started out like this...BUN...NA...NA...NA...!!!

A professor at CCNY for a physiological psych class told his class about bananas.He said the expression "going bananas"is from the effects of bananas on the brain.Read on...

Never, put your banana in the refrigerator! !! This is interesting. After reading this, you'll never look at a banana in the same way again.

Bananas contain three natural sugars - sucrose, fructose and glucose combined with fiber. A banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy.
Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes..
But energy isn't the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.

Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.

PMS: Forget the pills - eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.
Anemia: High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.
Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.

Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert.
Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives.
Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.
Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.

Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.
Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation....
Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.
Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and crisps. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.
Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach.

Temperature control: Many other cultures see bananas as a "cooling" fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand , for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer tryptophan.
Smoking &Tobacco Use: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.

Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack.
Strokes: According to research in The New England Journal of Medicine, eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%!

Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the wart, with the yellow side out. Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or surgical tape!
So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrate, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, "A banana a day keeps the doctor away!"

A smart alec vs an old man!

NAILS !

NAILS IN THE FENCE
Make sure you read all the way down to the last sentence.
(Most importantly the last sentence)

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper.
His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.
The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence.
Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down.
He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.
Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all.
He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.

The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence
He said, ' You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence.
The fence will never be the same.
When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one.
You can put a knife in a man and draw it out.
But It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound will still be there.
A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one.
Remember that friends are very rare jewels, indeed.
They make you smile and encourage you to succeed.
They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us.'

It's National Friendship Week.
Show your friends how much you care.
Send this to everyone
you consider a FRIEND, even if it means sending it back to the person who sent it to you! If it comes back to you, you will then know you have a circle of friends.
YOU ARE MY FRIEND AND I AM HONORED!
Now send this to every friend you have!!
And to your family(they need to know that you love them too).
Please forgive me if I have ever left a 'hole' in your fence

So to all my family, friends, students and readers out there....THIS IS FOR YOU!
unk Dicko

How to Live...from 55.

Time is like a river.
You cannot touch the same water twice, because the flow has passed will never pass again.
Enjoy every moment of life..... for Those Over 55 Years Old.
For those who are already 55, start practising.
For those almost 55, get ready.
For those where 55 is a long way off, help your parents do it.

For Those Over 55 Years Old
1. Focus on enjoying people, not on indulging in or accumulating material things.

2. Plan to spend whatever you have saved. You deserve to enjoy it and the healthy years you have left. Travel if you can afford it. Don't leave anything for your children or loved ones to quarrel about. By leaving too much, you may even cause more trouble when you are gone.

3. Live in the here and now, not in the yesterdays and tomorrows. It is only today that you can handle. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow may not even happen.

4. Enjoy your grandchildren (if blessed with any) but don't be their full time baby sitter. You have no moral obligation to take care of them. Don't have any guilt about refusing to baby sit anyone's kids, including your own grandkids. Your parental obligation is to your children. After you have raised them into responsible adults, your duties of child-rearing and babysitting are finished. Let your children raise their own off-springs.

5. Accept physical weakness, sickness and other physical pains. It is a part of the ageing process. Enjoy whatever your health can allow.

6. Enjoy what you are and what you have right now. Stop working hard for what you do not have. If you don't have them, it's probably too late.

7. Enjoy your life with your spouse, children, grandchildren and friends. People, who truly love you, love you for yourself, not for what you have. Anyone who loves you for what you have will just give you misery. And you'd probably know that by now.

8. Forgive and accept forgiveness. Forgive yourself and others. Enjoy peace of mind and peace of soul.

9. Not trying to be morbid, but befriend death. It's a natural part of the life cycle. Don't be afraid of it. Death is the beginning of a new and better life. So, prepare yourself not for death but for a new life with the Almighty.

10. Be at peace with your Creator. For ..... He is all you have after you leave this sojourn on Earth.

Don't write of your Investments in CHINA...yet or at all !

The very well written article below no doubt confirms my assertion in October 2008 that China would be the BIGGEST winner in this economic crisis.
How can we be so sure!
It’s simple logic.
It’s a numbers game!
China is the only country in the world that has these wonderful characteristics:

Largest foreign reserve – in excess of US$2 trillions; and
Largest population – 1.3 billions, 20% of world’s population & 5 times that of USA;
and Efficient system of government run by a team of good leaders.
I believe the initial shock faced by China resulting in closure of numerous factories and severe loss of jobs would be overcomed in the near future by the economic stimulants instigated by the Government through:
Increased internal consumption to replace reduction in export; and
Increase in the number, and speeding up, of projects.

So, what does this mean for China?
Power along economically at a faster pace and at a lower cost;
Ensuring a continual supply of essential raw materials and energy;
Building up its strategic reserves at a lower cost;
Strengthening its position in the world arena;
Continuing to build up its foreign reserve; and
Increasing its economic strength.

This means we will see an ultra modern China with the latest infrastructures throughout the country in the near future.
When this stage arrives, overall, no other country, including the US, Japan and Europe will be able to match it.
On the other hand, most Western countries are now going backwards economically, allowing China to close the economic gap at faster pace.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chinese Leaders Jet-Setting The World on a Buying Spree While other world leaders are staying home plagued with solving their economic crisis.
The Chinese leaders Hu Jintao(President), Xi Jinping (Vice President and Wen Jiabao (Premier) were jet setting the world on a buying spree.
What does this mean?
Like top sales corporate executives sourcing out world products & markets, they are doing the same.
Though China's stimulus package is worth a whopping four trillion Yuan over two years, it has abundant cash reserves after years of double digit economic boom.
To say the least, China is in a better shape by far than any other economies & facing no worse than a slowing down in its economy.
Time is opportune for China to be buying resources at present low prices, renewing & establishing new contacts . . . making investments that will ensure further impetus to the Chinese power house.
Their recent buying spree includes . . .
A $19.5 billion investment in resource conglomerate Rio Tinto by Aluminum Corp of China, financed by the China Development Bank
China Petrochemical's $1.5 billion purchase of Canada's Tanganyika Oil operating in Syria.
A $25 billion loan to the Russian government in exchange for 290,000 barrels of oil per day for the next 25 years and a pipeline to China to carry the oil.
A deal with Venezuela for up to 1 million barrels of oil per day by 2015 in return for another $4 billion to top off an existing development fund.
A $1.7 billion bid by China Minmetals for OZ Minerals, an Australian zinc producer on the verge of bankruptcy.
All these, while assuring its supply chain, will contribute positively to further the growth of the Chinese economy.
Logic will tell you that you can't keep on spending money which you don't have & get deeper into debts.
But if you have $2 trillion cash reserves, then it's a wise move indeed.
Now you can see why China is booming while others are going under in this economic trough.
The tens of thousands of factories closing in China & the millions of Chinese out of work bear little numerical consequences in a country as huge as China.
Its economic gear is in place, bank lending is soaring, up an amazing 101% to the tune of $237 billion, with 35% of all lending in January going towards infrastructure projects including power grid, railways & nuclear plants.
Other economic scenario is also encouraging:
retail sales continue to explode higher, up a whopping 24.5%, from clothing sales to electronics & luxury items.
For January, Mercedes Benz saw sales of its S-Class models jump an impressive 26% in China.
China is led by a good team of leaders.
They are making sure their power house engine is matching up with the superb performance of the classed Mercedes engine.
Metaphorically speaking, the sun rises in the East & sets in the West.
It looks like China, despite all the doom & gloom, is climbing up in the right direction.

Important Advice about SPAM !

GOOD ADVICE FROM SNOPES PLEASE READ.

By now, I suspect everyone is familiar with http://www.snopes.com/ and/or http://www.truthorfiction.com/ for determining whether information received via email is just that: true/false or fact/fiction. Both are excellent sites. I received the advice below from one of my correspondents today.

Advice from Snopes.com MEMORIZE THIS!
1) Any time you see an E-Mail that says forward this on to '10' of your friends, sign this petition, or you'll get bad luck, good luck, or whatever, it almost always has an E-Mail tracker program attached that tracks the cookies and E-Mails of those folks you forward to. The host sender is getting a copy each time it gets forwarded and then is able to get lists of 'active' E-Mails addresses to use in SPAM E-Mails, or sell to other spammers.

2) Almost all E-Mails that ask you to add your name and forward on to others are similar to that mass letter years ago that asked people to send business cards to the little kid in Florida who wanted to break the Guinness Book of Records for the most cards. All it was, and all any of this type of E-Mail is, is a way to get names and 'cookie' tracking information for telemarketers and spammers - - to validate active E-Mail accounts for their own profitable purposes.

You can do your friends and family members a GREAT favor by sending this information to them; you will be providing a service to your friends, and will be rewarded by not getting thousands of spam E-Mails in the future!
If you have been sending out (FORWARDING) the above kinds of E-Mail, now you know why you get so much SPAM!

Do yourself a favor and STOP adding your name(s) to those types of listings regardless how inviting they might sound!
You may think you are supporting a GREAT cause, but you are NOT in the long run.. Instead, you will be getting tons of junk mail later! Plus, we are helping the spammers get rich! Let's don't make it easy for them!

Also: E-Mail petitions are NOT acceptable to Congress or any other organization. To be acceptable, petitions must have a signed signature and full address of the person signing the petition.

Read the full story here: http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/petition/internet.asp

PS: Adding your name to a list of names on an e-mail you receive, doesn't work, because you add your name and send it to 10 people creates 10 more petitions!!!, and they just keep multiplying!! Delete them!!!

Do warn others about this !
Send this post to them.

unk Dicko
.

Lee Kuan Yew on AGEING...part 3

So at each stage, I learnt something more about myself and I stored that.

I said: 'Oh, this is now a danger point.'
So all right, cut out fats, change diet, went to see a specialist in Boston, Massachusetts General Hospital. He said: 'Take statins.' I said: 'What's that?' He said: '(They) help to reduce your cholesterol.' My doctors were concerned. They said: 'You don't need it.. Your cholesterol levels are okay.' Two years later, more medical evidence came out. So the doctors said: 'Take statins.' Had there been no angioplasty, had I not known that something was up and I cycled on, I might have gone at 74 like my mother. So I missed that deadline.
So next deadline: my father's fall at 87.

I'm very careful now because sometimes when I turn around too fast, I feel as if I'm going to get off balance. So my daughter, a neurologist, she took me to the NNI, there's this nerve conduction test, put electrodes here and there. The transmission of the messages between the feet and the brain has slowed down.
So all the exercise, everything, effort put in, I'm fit, I swim, I cycle. But I can't prevent this losing of conductivity of the nerves and this transmission.
So just go slow.
So when I climb up the steps, I have no problem. When I go down the steps, I need to be sure that I've got something I can hang on to, just in case. So it's a constant process of adjustment.
But I think the most important single lesson I learnt in life was that if you isolate yourself, you're done for. The human being is a social animal - he needs stimuli, he needs to meet people, to catch up with the world.

I don't much like travel but I travel very frequently despite the jet lag, because I get to meet people of great interest to me, who will help me in my work as chairman of our GIC. So I know, I'm on several boards of banks, international advisory boards of banks, of oil companies and so on. And I meet them and I get to understand what's happening in the world, what has changed since I was here one month ago, one year ago. I go to India, I go to China.
And that stimuli brings me to the world of today. I'm not living in the world, when I was active, more active 20, 30 years ago. So I tell my wife. She woke up late today. I said: 'Never mind, you come along by 12 o'clock. I go first.'

If you sit back - because part of the ending part of the encyclopaedia which I read was very depressing - as you get old, you withdraw from everything and then all you will have is your bedroom and the photographs and the furniture that you know, and that's your world. So if you've got to go to hospital, the doctor advises you to bring some photographs so that you'll know you're not lost in a different world, that this is like your bedroom.

I'm determined that I will not, as long as I can, to be reduced, to have my horizons closed on me like that. It is the stimuli, it is the constant interaction with people across the world that keeps me aware and alive to what's going on and what we can do to adjust to this different world.
In other words, you must have an interest in life. If you believe that at 55, you're retiring, you're going to read books, play golf and drink wine, then I think you're done for. So statistically they will show you that all the people who retire and lead sedentary lives, the pensioners die off very quickly.

So we now have a social problem with medical sciences, new procedures, new drugs, many more people are going to live long lives. If the mindset is that when I reach retirement age 62, I'm old, I can't work anymore, I don't have to work, I just sit back, now is the time I'll enjoy life, I think you're making the biggest mistake of your life. After one month, or after two months, even if you go travelling with nothing to do, with no purpose in life, you will just degrade, you'll go to seed.
The human being needs a challenge, and my advice to every person in Singapore and elsewhere: Keep yourself interested, have a challenge. If you're not interested in the world and the world is not interested in you, the biggest punishment a man can receive is total isolation in a dungeon, black and complete withdrawal of all stimuli, that's real torture.

So when I read that people believe, Singaporeans say: 'Oh, 62 I'm retiring.' I say to them: 'You really want to die quickly?' If you want to see sunrise tomorrow or sunset, you must have a reason, you must have the stimuli to keep going.'


Many of our fears are tissue-paper-thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them.... Brendan Francis.

Lee Kuan Yew on Ageing....part 2

I think the most important thing in ageing is you got to understand yourself. And the knowledge now is all there. When I was growing up, the knowledge wasn't there. I had to get the knowledge from friends, from doctors.
But perhaps the most important bit of knowledge that the doctor gave me was one day, when I said: 'Look, I'm feeling slower and sluggish.' So he gave me a medical encyclopaedia and he turned the pages to ageing.

I read it up and it was illuminating.
A lot of it was difficult jargon but I just skimmed through to get the gist of it.
As you grow, you reach 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 and then, thereafter, you are on a gradual slope down physically.

Mentally, you carry on and on and on until I don't know what age, but mathematicians will tell you that they know their best output is when they're in their 20s and 30s when your mental energy is powerful and you haven't lost many neurons.
That's what they tell me. So, as you acquire more knowledge, you then craft a programme for yourself to maximise what you have. It's just common sense.
I never planned to live till 85 or 84. I just didn't think about it.
I said: 'Well, my mother died when she was 74, she had a stroke.
My father died when he was 94.'
But I saw him, and he lived a long life, well, maybe it was his DNA.

But more than that, he swam every day and he kept himself busy.
He was working for the Shell company. He was in charge, he was a superintendent of an oil depot. When he retired, he started becoming a salesman..
So people used to tell me: 'Your father is selling watches at BP de Silva.' My father was then living with me. But it kept him busy. He had that routine: He meets people, he sells watches, he buys and sells all kinds of semi-precious stones, he circulates coins. And he keeps going.
But at 87, 88, he fell, going down the steps from his room to the dining room, broke his arm, three months incapacitated.
Thereafter, he couldn't go back to swimming.
Then he became wheelchair-bound.
Then it became a problem because my house was constructed that way.
So my brother - who's a doctor and had a flat (one-level) house - took him in.
And he lived on till 94. But towards the end, he had gradual loss of mental powers.

So my calculations, I'm somewhere between 74 and 94. And I've reached the halfway point now. But have I? Well, 1996 when I was 73, I was cycling and I felt tightening on the neck. Oh, I must retire today. So I stopped. Next day, I returned to the bicycle. After five minutes it became worse. So I said, no, no, this is something serious, it's got to do with the blood vessels. Rung up my doctor, who said, 'Come tomorrow'. Went tomorrow, he checked me, and said: 'Come back tomorrow for an angiogram.' I said: 'What's that?' He said: 'We'll pump something in and we'll see whether the coronary arteries are cleared or blocked.'

I was going to go home. But an MP who was a cardiologist happened to be around, so he came in and said: 'What are you doing here?'
I said: 'I've got this.'
He said: 'Don't go home. You stay here tonight.
I've sent patients home and they never came back. Just stay here.
They'll put you on the monitor. They'll watch your heart.
And if anything, an emergency arises, they will take you straight to the theatre.
You go home. You've got no such monitor. You may never come back.'

So I stayed there. Pumped in the dye, yes it was blocked, the left circumflex, not the critical, lead one. So that's lucky for me.
Two weeks later, I was walking around,I felt it's coming back.
Yes it has come back, it had occluded. So this time they said: 'We'll put in a stent.'
I'm one of the first few in Singapore to have the stent, so it was a brand new operation. Fortunately, the man who invented the stent was out here selling his stent.
He was from San Jose, La Jolla something or the other.
So my doctor got hold of him and he supervised the operation.
He said put the stent in. My doctor did the operation, he just watched it all and then that's that. That was before all this problem about lining the stent to make sure that it doesn't occlude and create a disturbance.

Lee Kuan Yew on AGEING....part 1

Subject: Lee Kuan Yew on ageing

This is Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew's advice on ageing the best way one can. Here is the transcript of his remarks.
Very interesting insight from the Old Man. If you have read it before, or don't have the time to read the whole story, just read the last few paragraphs. Good Advice!
'Stay interested in the world, take on a challenge': Singapore Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew This story was first published on Jan 12, 2008.

MY CONCERN today is, what is it I can tell you which can add to your knowledge about ageing and what ageing societies can do.
You know more about this subject than I do. A lot of it is out in the media, Internet and books. So I thought the best way would be to take a personal standpoint and tell you how I approach this question of ageing.

If I cast my mind back, I can see turning points in my physical and mental health.
You know, when you're young, I didn't bother, I assumed good health was God-given and would always be there.
When I was about - '57 that was - I was about 34, we were competing in elections, and I was really fond of drinking beer and smoking. And after the election campaign, in Victoria Memorial Hall - we had won the election, the City Council election - I couldn't thank the voters because I had lost my voice. I'd been smoking furiously.
I'd take a packet of 10 to deceive myself, but I'd run through the packet just sitting on the stage, watching the crowd, getting the feeling, the mood before I speak.
In other words, there were three speeches a night.
Three speeches a night, 30 cigarettes, a lot of beer after that, and the voice was gone.

I remember I had a case in Kuching, Sarawak.
So I took the flight and I felt awful. I had to make up my mind whether I was going to be an effective campaigner and a lawyer, in which case I cannot destroy my voice, and I can't go on. So I stopped smoking.
It was a tremendous deprivation because I was addicted to it.
And I used to wake up dreaming...the nightmare was I resumed smoking.
But I made a choice and said, if I continue this, I will not be able to do my job.
I didn't know anything about cancer of the throat or oesophagus or the lungs, etc.
But it turned out it had many other deleterious effects.
Strangely enough after that, I became very allergic, hyper-allergic to smoking, so much so that I would plead with my Cabinet ministers not to smoke in the Cabinet room.
You want to smoke, please go out, because I am allergic.

Then one day I was at the home of my colleague, Mr Rajaratnam, meeting foreign correspondents including some from the London Times and they took a picture of me and I had a big belly like that (puts his hands in front of his belly), a beer belly. I felt no, no, this will not do.
So I started playing more golf, hit hundreds of balls on the practice tee. But this didn't go down. There was only one way it could go down: consume less, burn up more.

Another turning point came when -this was 1976, after the general election - I was feeling tired. I was breathing deeply at the Istana, on the lawns. My daughter, who at that time just graduating as a doctor, said: 'What are you trying to do?' I said: 'I feel an effort to breathe in more oxygen.' She said: 'Don't play golf. Run. Aerobics.
'
So she gave me a book, quite a famous book and, then, very current in America on how you score aerobic points swimming, running, whatever it is, cycling.
I looked at it sceptically. I wasn't very keen on running.
I was keen on golf. So I said, 'Let's try'. So in-between golf shots while playing on my own, sometimes nine holes at the Istana, I would try and walk fast between shots.
Then I began to run between shots. And I felt better.
After a while, I said: 'Okay, after my golf, I run.' And after a few years, I said: 'Golf takes so long. The running takes 15 minutes. Let's cut out the golf and let's run.'

The Most Unfortunate names in UK !

At least no one will forget you Justin Case:

The most unfortunate names in Britain
Are you Jo King?
For Ms King her name is no laughing matter
Perhaps their parents had a wicked sense of humour.
But for the children saddled with a comical name, the joke can wear a little thin.

Stan Still, 76, said his name 'has been a blooming millstone around my neck my entire life',
Doug Hole didn't want to talk about his, and Will Power was just grateful he had always been known as Bill.

The names, along with other combinations such as Justin Case, Anna Sasin, Barb Dwyer and Paige Turner, are on a newly compiled list of the Most Unfortunate Names in Britain.

Mr Still, a former RAF man from Cirencester, Gloucestershire, said yesterday: 'When I was in the RAF my commanding officer used to shout, "Stan Still, get a move on" and roll about laughing. It got hugely boring after a while.'

Mr Hole of Penrith, Cumbria, declined to comment on his place in the list, saying: 'I don't want to be involved just because I have an unusual name.'
Mr Power, 88, of Bournemouth: 'Luckily I have always been called Bill otherwise life might have been a little bit different for me.'

However author Rose Bush, 51, of Coventry, said: 'I love my name. I always get comments about it but they are always very positive.'
A spokesman for www.thebabywebsite.com, which compiled the list, said:
'When the parents of some of those people mentioned named their children, many probably didn't even realise the implications at the time.
'There must be tremendous embarrassment every time they have to introduce themselves. Even their teachers must have had to hold back their smiles sometimes.
'On the positive side, anyone wanting to become well known would have an added advantage.
No one would forget a name such as Justin Case, would they?'

The other UK names listed are: Helen Back, Terry Bull, Tim Burr, Pearl Button, Barry Cade, Mary Christmas, Chris Cross, Sonny Day, Teresa Green, Ray Gunn, Jo King, Lee King and Max Power.
A search taking in the U.S. turned up Bill Board, Annette Curtain, Carrie Oakey and Anna Prentice.

Unk Dicko's comments:
1 I have come across far too many names that stood out while I was teaching in school.
One was a boy who had the name " Lim Char Bor ". As you know, "Char Bor" in local dialect means girl or woman. So no one could fault him for being very feminine in his behaviour and personality. The boys used to disturb him a lot. It was an all boys school. But poor chap accepted his fate. I recall that we did inquire from his grandma why he was so named. Usually, it is because the family has a compelling reason for doing so.

2 One day in the early 80's, I was at a top Hotel in Orchard Road with some friends when we heard over
the PA system this paging message: " Calling for Mr Boost-stard. Attention Mr Boost-stard! Pl come to the reception counter."
We were at that time also near the counter.
Soon, a Caucasian man neatly dressed in a full suit approached the counter. He spoke," Who are you looking for? "
The receptionist: " Are you Mr Boost-stard?"
The man: " No! My NAME is pronounced as Mr BASTARD."
He checked the spelling and it was correct so he chided the receptionist for mis-pronouncing his name!