Black Humour !

What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his examination?
'Dad, they questioned me for 3 hours,
but I never told them anything!!'

What's the difference between people who pray in church and those who pray in casinos?
The ones in the casinos are serious.

When I was young I used to pray for a bike,
then I realized that God doesn't work that way,
so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.

A little boy went up to his father and asked :
'Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?'
His father replied : 'Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother,
because I still have mine.'

Jimmy's teacher sent a note home to his mother, saying :
'Jimmy seems to be a very bright boy,
but spends too much of his time thinking about girls.'
The mother wrote back the next day :
'If you find a solution, please advise.
I have the same problem with his father!'

April Fools Day is for atheists !

FLORIDA COURT SETS ATHEIST HOLY DAY

In Florida , an atheist created a case against the upcoming Easter and Passover holy days. He hired an attorney to bring a discrimination case against Christians, Jews and observances of their holy days.
The argument was that it was unfair that atheists had no such recognized days.
The case was brought before a judge.
After listening to the passionate presentation by the lawyer, the judge banged his gavel declaring,"Case dismissed!"

The lawyer immediately stood objecting to the ruling saying, "Your honor, how can you possibly dismiss this case? The Christians have Christmas, Easter and others. The Jews have Passover, Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, yet my client and all other atheists have no such holidays."

The judge leaned forward in his chair saying, "But you do. Your client, counsel, is woefully ignorant."
The lawyer said, "Your Honor, we are unaware of any special observance or holiday for atheists." The judge said, "The calendar says April 1st is April Fools Day.
Psalm 14:1 states, 'The fool says in his heart, there is no God.'
Thus, it is the opinion of this court, that if your client says there is no God, then he is a fool. Therefore, April 1st is his day. Court is adjourned."

You gotta love a Judge that knows his scripture!
This is too good not to forward.

A Malaysian Story

A Malaysian Story
An old kampung imam had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession.
Like many young men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.
One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment.
He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects.

1. The Holy Qoran.
2. A fifty ringgit note.
3. A bottle of whiskey.
4. And a Playboy magazine.

'I'll just hide behind the door," the old imam said to himself.
"When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up."

"If it's the holy book, he's going to be an imam like me, and what a blessing that would be!"
"If he picks up the fifty ringgit note, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too."
"But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and God, what a shame that would be."
"And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer."

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and heading for his room..

The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table.
With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.

Finally, he picked up the Holy Book and placed it under his arm.
He picked up the fifty ringgit note and dropped into his pocket.
He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired the magazine.

"God have mercy," the old imam disgustedly whispered. "He's going to be an Umno Politician!!"

[ Contributed by TF Chan ]

Swine Flu ( flew) !

A 100 years ago,
they said that when a black man became president,
pigs would fly.

And on the 100th day of Barack Obama's presidency,
Swine Flew.


[ Contributed by Patricl F ]

Ancient Cave Writings...DaVinci Code.

Ancient cave writings
DAVINCI CODE

Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols:

It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least three thousand years old!
The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings.

The President of the society pointed to first drawing and said:

"This is a woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey, So they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them."
Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine hit the earth and food didn't grow, they seek food from the sea.

The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews.

The audience applauded enthusiastically.

Then a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and said,

"Idiots, Hebrew is read from right to left....... "

"It says: 'Holy Mackerel, Dig The Ass On That Chick ."

[ Contributor Tng K G ]

$ 100 Humour

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened . Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00.
When the postal authorities received the letter to God, they decided to send it to the President of USA.
The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.
The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.
The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read:
"Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money.
However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington D.C ,USA and those idiots took $95.00 in taxes."

[ Contributor: HC Chue ]