Do It Yourself !

Three Dolls in a man's life....

The three Dolls in a man's life are:

1........His Daughter,

'Baby doll'

2.........His Girlfriend,

'Barbie doll'

Wait for it

3.....His Wife,

'Panadol'

Go on girls; admit it, even you laughed!!!

ANGRY ? You'll DIE faster !

Anger really can kill, doctors have warned.

Feelings of rage can trigger potentially deadly irregular heart rhythms, research shows.
The finding, from a study of patients with cardiac problems, could explain other studies which have linked the anger sparked by world events - from the loss of a World Cup match to a war - with heart attacks.
'When you put a whole population under a stress factor, sudden death will increase,' said researcher Dr Rachel Lampert.
'Our study starts to look at how does this really affect the electrical system of the heart.'
Dr Lampert, of Yale University in the U.S., studied 62 adults being treated for an irregular heartbeat - a common condition which raises the risk of heart attack.
She said: 'We found in the lab setting that yes, anger did increase this electrical instability in these patients.'
Patients in the study took part in an exercise in which they recounted a recent angry episode while Dr Lampert's team did a test called T-Wave Alternans that measures electrical instability in the heart.
The men and women, who all had defibrillators implanted in their chests to monitor their heartbeat and shock it back into rhythm when necessary, were then tracked for three years.
Those who were rated as the angriest were more than ten times more likely to need a shock from the device, the Journal of the American College of Cardiology reports.
However, Dr Lampert cautioned against applying the results to people with healthy hearts.
She is now studying whether anger management classes can help those with the conditions studied - ventricular tachycardia and ventricular fibrillation.
Sudden cardiac death accounts for more than 400,000 deaths each year in the United States, according to the American College of Cardiology

The Tomato and Microsoft Story

A Jobless man applied for the position of ‘office boy’ at Microsoft.
The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.
‘You are employed’ he said.
'Give me your e-mail address and I’ll send you the application to fill in,
as well as date when you may start.'
The man replied ‘But I don’t have a computer, neither an email’.
‘I’m sorry’, said the HR manager.
'If you don’t have an email, that means you do not exist.
And who doesn’t exist, cannot have the job.’

The man left with no hope at all.
He didn’t know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket.
He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate.
He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round.
In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital.
He repeated the operation three times, and returned home with $60.

The man realized that he can survive by this way,
and started to go everyday earlier, and return late.
Thus, his money doubled or tripled everyday.
Shortly, he bought a cart, then a truck,
and then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles.

5 years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the US.
He started to plan his family’s future, and decided to have a life insurance.
He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan.
When the conversation was concluded the broker asked him his email.
The man replied,’I don’t have an email.’
The broker answered curiously, ‘You don’t have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an e mail?!!’
The man thought for a while and replied, ‘Yes, I’d be an office boy at Microsoft!’

Moral of the story
Moral 1 Internet is not the solution to your life.
Moral 2 If you don’t have Internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.
Moral 3 If you received this message by email, you are closer to being a office boy/girl,than a millionaire.

P.S - Do not forward this email back to me, I am closing my email account & going to sell tomatoes!!!

Did You Know ?

" Did You Know? "...this or that is a very popular video-clip on Youtube that presents

some startling facts, data and trends about people, countries and where the

world is likely heading. This particular clip is 4.56 minutes in duration and has received

more than a million hits.

An Obituary

An Obituary printed in the London Times... Interesting and sadly true

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years.
No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:
Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
Why the early bird gets the worm;
Life isn't always fair; and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies ( don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies ( adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place.
Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate;
teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch;
and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.
It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an Aspirin to a student;
but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot.
She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.
Common Sense was preceded in death, by his parents, Truth and Trust,
by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by his 4 stepbrothers;
I Know My Rights,
I Want It Now,
Someone Else Is To Blame,
I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
If you still remember him, pass this on.
If not, join the majority and do nothing.

How much is a BILLION ???

How many zeros in a billion???
This is too true to be funny...

The next time you hear a politician use the Word 'billion' in a casual manner, think about whether you want the 'politicians' spending YOUR tax money.
A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of it's releases.

A. A billion seconds ago it was 1959.
B A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.
C A billion hours ago our ancestors were Living in the Stone Age.
D A billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.
E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes, at the rate our government is spending it.

While this thought is still fresh in our brain... let's take a look at New Orleans .... It's amazing what you can learn with some simple division.

Louisiana Senator, Mary Landrieu (D) Is presently asking Congress for 250 BILLION DOLLARS To rebuild New Orleans .. Interesting number.. What does it mean?
A Well... If you are one of the 484,674 residents of New Orleans (every man, woman, and child) You each get $516,528.
B Or... If you have one of the 188,251 homes in New Orleans, your home gets $1,329,787.
C. Or... If you are a family of four... Your family gets $2,066,012.

Imagine, now $700 billion bailing out banks in the US. That's enough to fund complete medical care for every man, woman and child currently alive in the US for 11 years!! 50 billion to bail out the auto industry??? Washington, D.C. & Ottawa, ON. <> Are all your calculators broken??
Accounts Receivable Tax Building Permit Tax CDL License Tax Cigarette Tax Corporate Income Tax Dog License Tax Cat License Tax (Toronto) Federal Income Tax , Federal Employment Tax (EI) Fishing License Tax Food License Tax Fuel Permit Tax Gasoline Tax Hunting License Tax Inheritance Tax Inventory Tax REV CAN Interest Charges (tax on top of tax) REV CAN Penalties (tax on top of tax) Liquor Tax Luxury Tax Marriage License Tax Medicare Tax Property Tax Real Estate Tax FOOD Service taxes Social Security Tax Road Usage Tax (Truckers) Provincial Sales Taxes Recreational Vehicle Tax School Tax Provincial Income Tax Telephone Federal Excise Tax Telephone Federal Service Fee Tax upon Tax Telephone Tax Utility Tax Vehicle License Registration Tax Vehicle Sales Tax Watercraft Registration Tax Well Permit Tax Workers Compensation Tax Income Tax Everything Tax

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY???
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago... And our nation was one of the most prosperous in the world.
We had absolutely no national debt... We had the largest middle class in the world.. And Mom stayed home to raise the kids.
What happened? Can you spell 'politicians!'
And I still have to Press '1' For English.
I hope this goes around the US & AUST At least 1 billion times
What the heck happened???

HEALTH WARNING !

HEALTH WARNING

Supermarket Shelf Poisons

Anybody that takes Vitamin C should avoid the following Soft drinks: Sunkist, Fanta, Diet Coke, Sprite, & Pepsi Max.

These drinks contain Sodium Benzoate 211 on the label. A chemical reaction between Vitamin C and Sodium Benzoate creates Benzine a highly Carcinogenic chemical (story by Channel 9).
Benzine has the ability to severely damage the DNA in the Mitochondria to the point that it totally inactivates it, knocks it out altogether. The Mitochondria consumes Oxygen to give you energy, and if you damage it, then the cell starts to malfunction very seriously, often fatally, a whole array of Diseases has been tied to the damage to the DNA, including Parkinson's Disease and quite a lot of Neuro-Degenerative Diseases..

This is a follow-up of all the TV station's story on Mentos and Diet Coke. Don't mix these two either, they cause a chemical reaction (explosion) in the stomach, it's not only Mentos but also any Mint products. Mint Life Savers, Tic Tac's, Cool Mint's, etc, the Mint is not the culprit here but the Aspartame in the Diet Drinks, 951 on the label, also avoid 950 Acelsultame F (same thing). Aspartame poisoning has been scientifically linked to 92 Symptoms of Disease .. Still going to drink your Diet Drinks???

[AD] Most European countries have forbidden the Importing and use in their Country of Aspartame including all makes of Saccharin, example Equal, Nutra-Sweet, Spoonful & Diet Drinks, including 6,000 consumer Good's and Beverages, sold on the Supermarket shelves . This ban affect's all use of this product in any type of consumable infringement and will carry penalties that go from 9.000 euros to 90,000 Euros.

Mexico is also considering banning all 6,000 products of Aspartame on its Supermarket shelves. In Mexico Aspartame is known as Rumsfeld's Disease, after George Bush's mate Donald Rumsfeld. The Nutra-Sweet company and Searle are owned by Monsanto who appointed Rumsfeld as their General Manager, so they could use his clout with Parliament to get this Deadly Poison passed by the FDA and boost their sales of Aspartame.

Avoid all Toothpastes made in China , especially Colgate's they contain Ethylene Glycol.. This is an Anti-Freezing agent, Highly Toxic and even Fatal -- it destroys the Liver, Kidney, Lung, Blood Cells, Heart and the Nervous System. It is also in some Mouth Washes, Make-up, Aftershave, Baby Powder and Wipes, Shampoo, and Deodorants.

Avoid Smarties; they contain almost every Toxic artificial colour on the market. The worst are 102, 104, and the worst of all 110 Carcinogenic, 124 undesirable, 127 Carcinogenic 128 Extreme Caution, 129,131, and 133 are also carcinogenic. To top it off Smarties are not even made of Chocolate (neither are Tim Tam's). Synthetic Chocolate has non-nutritional food value whatsoever.
Read your labels -- it may one day save your life.
PLEASE SHARE.....

SHOCKING World Predictions...by Gerald Celente

Shocking Predictions --- Can This Be T R U E ? ? ?

The man who predicted the 1987 stock market crash and the fall of the Soviet Union is now forecasting a revolution in America, food riots and tax rebellions - all within four years, while cautioning that putting food on the table will be a more pressing concern than buying Christmas gifts by 2012.

Gerald Celente, the CEO of Trends Research Institute, is renowned for his accuracy in predicting future world and economic events, which will send a chill down your spine considering what he told Fox News this week.
Celente says that by 2012 America will become an undeveloped nation, that there will be a revolution marked by food riots, squatter rebellions, tax revolts and job marches, and that holidays will be more about obtaining food, not gifts.
"We're going to see the end of the retail Christmas....we're going to see a fundamental shift take place....putting food on the table is going to be more important that putting gifts under the Christmas tree," said Celente, adding that the situation would be "worse than the great depression".

"America's going to go through a transition the likes of which no one is prepared for," said Celente, noting that people's refusal to acknowledge that America was even in a recession highlights how big a problem denial is in being ready for the true scale of the crisis.
Celente, who successfully predicted the 1997 Asian Currency Crisis, the subprime mortgage collapse and the massive devaluation of the U.S. dollar, told UPI in November last year that the following year would be known as "The Panic of 2008," adding that "giants (would) tumble to their deaths," which is exactly what we have witnessed with the collapse of Lehman Brothers, Bear Stearns and others. He also said that the dollar would eventually be devalued by as much as 90 percent.
The consequence of what we have seen unfold this year would lead to a lowering in living standards, Celente predicted a year ago, which is also being borne out by plummeting retail sales figures.
The prospect of revolution was a concept echoed by a British Ministry of Defence report last year, which predicted that within 30 years, the growing gap between the super rich and the middle class, along with an urban underclass threatening social order would mean, "The world's middle classes might unite, using access to knowledge, resources and skills to shape transnational processes in their own class interest," and that, "The middle classes could become a revolutionary class."
In a separate recent interview, Celente went further on the subject of a revolution in America. revolution
"There will be a revolution in this country," he said. "It's not going to come yet, but it's going to come down the line and we're going to see a third party and this was the catalyst for it: the takeover of Washington, D. C., in broad daylight by Wall Street in this bloodless coup. And it will happen as conditions continue to worsen."
"The first thing to do is organize with tax revolts. That's going to be the big one because people can't afford to pay more school tax, property tax, any kind of tax. You're going to start seeing those kinds of protests start to develop."
"It's going to be very bleak. Very sad. And there is going to be a lot of homeless, the likes of which we have never seen before. Tent cities are already sprouting up around the country and we're going to see many more."
"We're going to start seeing huge areas of vacant real estate and squatters living in them as well. It's going to be a picture the likes of which Americans are not going to be used to. It's going to come as a shock and with it, there's going to be a lot of crime. And the crime is going to be a lot worse than it was before because in the last 1929 Depression, people's minds weren't wrecked on all these modern drugs - over-the-counter drugs, or crystal meth or whatever it might be. So, you have a huge underclass of very desperate people with their minds chemically blown beyond anybody's comprehension."

The George Washington blog has compiled a list of quotes attesting to Celente's accuracy as a trend forecaster.

"When CNN wants to know about the Top Trends, we ask Gerald Celente."- CNN Headline News

"Gerald Celente has a knack for getting the zeitgeist right."- USA Today

"There's not a better trend forecaster than Gerald Celente. The man knows what he's talking about."- CNBC

"Those who take their predictions seriously ... consider Gerald Celente and the Trends Research Institute."- The Wall Street Journal

"Gerald Celente is always ahead of the curve on trends and uncannily on the mark ... he's one of the most accurate forecasters around."- The Atlanta Journal-Constitution

"Mr. Celente tracks the world's social, economic and business trends for corporate clients."- The New York Times

"Mr. Celente is a very intelligent guy. We are able to learn about trends from an authority."- 48 Hours, CBS News

"Gerald Celente has a solid track record. He has predicted everything from the 1987 stock market crash and the demise of the Soviet Union to green marketing and corporate downsizing."- The Detroit News

"Gerald Celente forecast the 1987 stock market crash, 'green marketing,' and the boom in gourmet coffees."- Chicago Tribune

"The Trends Research Institute is the Standard and Poors of Popular Culture."- The Los Angeles Times

"If Nostradamus were alive today, he'd have a hard time keeping up with Gerald Celente."- New York Post

So there you have it - hardly a nutjob conspiracy theorist blowhard now is he? The price of not heeding his warnings will be far greater than the cost of preparing for the future now. Storable food and gold are two good places to make a start.

The NC Three-Kick Rule!

A New York lawyer went duck hunting in eastern North Carolina.
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an older man asked him what he was doing.

The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, I'm going to retrieve it.
" The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and,
if you don't let me get that duck,
I'll sue you and take everything! "

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things here in North Carolina.
We settle small disagreements like this with the NC Three-Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the NC three-Kick Rule?"
The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times,
and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up."

The New York attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old southerner.
He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller.
His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees.
His next two kicks caused the lawyer so much pain that he just about gave up.
However, the New York lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said,
"Okay, you old redneck southerner, now it's my turn."
The old North Carolina farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."

CRIME Alert ! ...Torchlight Stun Gun.

Torchlights (Stungun)

Beware! Crime rate in KL is bad. The posting below is not hearsay.

A few weeks ago, one our friends was slashed, stunned and robbed as he was getting out of his car in front of his house in TTDI.
It seems the robbers' modus operandi now is to slash first without any provocations and rob when the victim is rendered helpless. What are the Police and the government doing about this??

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT. NO MATTER HOW BUSY YOU ARE, YOU MUST GIVE YOURSELF AT LEAST 3 MINUTES TO READ THIS!

I just thought to let know what my doctor told me recently. I don't think she was lying and neither am I, so please pass this on to your friends. Her clinic is in SS2 and you know how congested that place is.

One morning a few months ago in broad daylight, a girl was getting into her car when a few men approached her with what looked like a torchlight. Quite harmless looking. They pressed the "torchlight" into her back and immediately she went limp and very pale. So she wouldn't be able to fight back, they slashed her thigh with a parang and sped away in her car.

There were many people around and they quickly took her to the nearest clinic which was my doctor's clinic. There were two doctors at that time and they managed to stitch up her wound but the girl remained pulse-less and still pale as paper. No pulse, no BP (blood pressure). Just like dead.

My doctors were confused as to how one wound on the thigh made the girl almost like dead? They managed to revive her and save her life.
After some checking around, the doctors found out what actually happened was that the girl was made unconscious not by a torchlight but actually a high voltage weapon. I forgot how many watts she mentioned. 1000? Anyway, it was high enough to kill a person by electrocution.
It seems this weapon is from China . It's not rampant yet in Malaysia , but with this thing, a person can rob, rape, kill, kidnap, and practically do anything to you. My doctor said that if the girl weren't taken to the clinic immediately she would have died because there was no pulse on her.
So please just beware of your surroundings, if anybody is lurking around with a torchlight-thing and approaches you, just scream or run away. Better to be embarrassed than ZAPPED and fried, right?

Take care.

Country Doctors

Country Doctors

A young doctor had moved out to A small community to replace a doctor who was retiring. The older doctor suggested that the young one accompany him on his rounds, so the community could become used to a new doctor.

At the first house a woman complains, 'I've been a little sick to my stomach.
' The older doctor says, 'Well, you've probably been overdoing the fresh fruit.
Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if that does the trick?'

As they left, the younger man said,'You didn't even examine that woman.?
How'd you come to the diagnosis so quickly?'
'I didn't' have to.
You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in there?
When I bent over to pick it up,I noticed a half-dozen banana peels in the trash.
That was what probably was making her sick.'
'Huh,' the younger doctor said 'Pretty clever, I think I'll try that at the next house.

Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes talking with a younger woman.
She complained that she just didn't have the energy she once did and said,
'I'm feeling terribly run down lately .
' You've probably been doing too much work for the church,' the younger doctor told her. 'Perhaps you should cut back a bit and see if that helps.'

As they left, the elder doctor said, 'I know that woman well, your diagnosis is almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?
''I did what you did at the last house,
I dropped my stethoscope and when I bent down to retrieve it,
noticed the preacher under the bed.'

Origin of VALENTINE's Day

Do you know The origin of Valentine?

I thought it was started by a romantic Italian guy named Valentino and that was why it is known as Valentine.

In spite of what you have heard,

Valentine's Day originated hundreds of years ago, in India, and to top it all, in the state of Gujarat.

It is a well known fact that Gujarati men, specially the Patels, continually mistreat and disrespect their wives (Patelianis).

One fine day, it happened to be the 14th day of February,

one brave Patelani, having had enough "torture" by her husband,

finally chose to rebel by beating him up with a Velan (rolling pin to make chapattis).

Yes....the same Velan which she used daily, to make chapattis for him.... only this time, instead of the dough, it was the husband who was flattened.

This was a momentous occasion for all Gujarati women and a revolt soon spread, like wild fire, with thousands of housewives beating up their husbands with the Velan.

There was an outburst of moaning "chapatti-ed" husbands all over Anand and Amdavad.
The Patel men-folk quickly learnt their lesson and started to behave more respectfully with their Patelanis.

Yes,the womenfolk of Gujarat would beat up their husbands,

to commemorate that eventful day - the wives having the satisfaction of beating up their husbands with the Velan and the men having the supreme joy of submitting to the will of the women they loved.

Soon The Gujju men realized that in order to avoid this ordeal they need to present gifts to their wives....they brought flowers and sweets.

This is how the tradition - Velan time - began.

As Gujarat fell under the influence of Western culture, the ritual soon spread to Britain and many other Western countries, specifically,the catch words 'Velan time' !!!

In course of time, their foreign tongues, this got anglicized to 'Velantime' and then to 'Valentine'.

And thereafter, 14th of February, came to be known as Valentine's Day and now you know the true story of Valentine's day.

Rick Warren..,PURPOSE of LIFE!

RICK WARREN, author of the"Purpose Driven Life".

He said the prayer during the inaugural ceremony of Barack Obama as President of U.S.
You will enjoy the new insights that Rick Warren has, with his wife now having cancer and him having 'wealth' from the book sales... of

'Purpose Driven Life ' author and pastor of Saddleback Church in California.

In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren, Rick said:
"People ask me, What is the purpose of life?"
And I respond: "In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were not made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven.
One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body - but not the end of me.
I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal.

God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity.

We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense..
Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one.
The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort;

God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy.
We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life.

The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness.
This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer.

I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth.

I don't believe that anymore.
Rather than life being hills and valleys,

I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track,

and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life.
No matter how good things are in your life,

there is always something bad that needs to be worked on.
And no matter how bad things are in your life,

there is always something good you can thank God for.
You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems:
If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness,

which is my problem, my issues, my pain.

But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.
We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people,

God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her - it has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people.

You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life.
Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy.
It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease.
So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence.

He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do,

II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72.

First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit. We made no major purchases.
Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church.
Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation.
Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free.

We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity?
Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism?

Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?
When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better.

God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list.

He's more interested in what I am than what I do.
That's why we're called human beings, not human doings.

Happy moments, PRAISE GOD.
Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.
Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD.
Painful moments, TRUST GOD.
Every moment, THANK GOD.

If you do not pass it on, nothing will happen.

But it will just be nice to pass it on to a friend...just like I have done.
God's Blessings."

Spotted this BRILLIANT Sign !

I was at an official appointment at this place when I spotted this seemingly innocuous signboard.

What caught my eye and attention was when I stopped my car for a short few seconds to unload my stuff. A security guard then walked towards me and told me in no uncertain terms not to park there...pointing to this brilliant signboard.

I told him I was quite "brilliant" in my own way.

That Ah Beng looking chap was not amused! He gave me such a terrible scowl. But unk Dicko just SMILED!

Haha. What do you expect at my age other than Smile!

If You are STRESSED read this !

STRESS RELIEVERS

Wife : You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife : You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
________________________________________________________________

Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
________________________________________________________________

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.
________________________________________________________________

Wife : "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?"
Husband : "Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife : "What? At 2 am?"
Husband : "Yes, We used night clubs and after some encouragement from my partner, I managed to score one in a hole."
________________________________________________________________

Father to son after exam: "Let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."
________________________________________________________________

Interviewer to Millionaire: "To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
________________________________________________________________

Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
Guy replies: Thanks for the warning.
________________________________________________________________

A husband was asked: Do you talk to your wife after sex?
He replied: Depends, if I can find a phone.
________________________________________________________________

Man to wife on wedding night: Are you sure I'm the first man you are sleeping with?
Wife replied: Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!________________________________________________________________

Why did they stop printing PAMELA ANDERSON stamps in the U.S. ?
Answer: Because people started licking the wrong side.
_______________________________________________________________

A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me - my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humour."


NOTHING LIKE A GOOD LAUGH TO CHASE AWAY THE BLUES !

The MP, St Peter and the DEVIL !

While walking down the street one day a 'Member of Parliament' is tragically hit by a truck and dies.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter. 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.'
'No problem, just let me in,' says the man.
'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.'
No problem. I have made up my mind to be in heaven,' says the MP.
'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.'

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course.

In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress.

They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.
They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes.

They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.
'Now it's time to visit heaven.'

So, 24 hours pass with the MP joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud,

playing the harp and singing.

They have a good time and, before he realizes it,

the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven.

Now choose your eternity.'
The MP reflects for a minute, then he answers:

'Well, I would never have said it before,

I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.'

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.

'I don't understand,' stammers the MP.

'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse,

and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time.

Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.
What happened?'

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, 'Yesterday we were campaigning.. ..
Today you voted.'

Unk Dicko says.... so now you know choose carefully when offered a choice.

The Devil comes as a "friend" at first and what you saw, see and experienced is nothing

but a fool's paradise!

BEWARE !

Spaghetti with meatballs and without!

A very wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years.
One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage,
he said he would pay her a large sum of money,
if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child -
if she stayed in Italy to raise the child,
he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.
She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born.
To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.
"Honey," she said. "You received a very strange post card today."
"Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it," he said.
The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card,
turned white and fainted.

On the card was written:
"Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."

Why Chewing Gum is BANNED in Singapore!

A Singaporean was on holiday in another country.
He was having his coffee, croissants, bread,butter and jam.
A local man who was chewing gum, sat down next to him and started a casual conversation.

Local man : "You Singaporeans eat the whole bread?"
Singaporean : "Of course."
Local man : "We don't. In our country, we only eat what's inside.
The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to your country."
The local man then had a smirk on his face while the Singaporean listened in silence.

Local man : "Do you eat the jelly with the bread?"
Singaporean : "Of course."
Local man (Chuckling) : "We don't. In our country, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds and other left-overs in a container, recycle them, transform them into jam ........ before we sell it to your country."

This time, the Singaporean retorted : "Do you have sex in your country?"
Local man : "Why, of course we do."
Singaporean : "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"
Local man : "We throw them away, of course."

Singaporean : "We don't. In Singapore, the government secretly put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them across to your country ........ and that's the real reason we ban the chewing of gums."

Give me a Kick in the Ass !

Dan Rather, Katie Couric, and an Israeli commando were captured by terrorists in Iraq .
The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

Dan Rather said, 'Well, I'm a Texan, so I'd like one last bowlful of hot spicy chili.'
The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chili.
Rather ate it all and said, 'Now I can die content.'

Katie Couric said, 'I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end.'
The terror leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Couric dictated some comments. She then said, 'Now I can die happy.'

The leader turned and said, 'And now, Mr. Israeli tough guy, what is your final wish?'
'Kick me in the ass,' said the soldier.'
'What?' asked the leader? Will you mock us in your last hour?'
'No, I'm not kidding. I want you to kick me in the ass,' insisted the Israeli.

So the leader shoved him into the open and kicked him in the ass.

The soldier went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from under his flak jacket, and shot the leader dead.
In the resulting confusion, he jumped to his knapsack, pulled out his carbine and sprayed the terrorists with gunfire.
In a flash, all terrorists were either dead or fleeing for their lives..

As the soldier was untying Rather and Couric, they asked him, 'Why didn't you just shoot them in the beginning? Why did you ask them to kick you in the ass first?'

'What?' replied the Israeli, 'and have you two assholes report that I was the aggressor?

Eating Dirt Can be Good For You!

Eating dirt can be good for you - just ask babies
By Jane E. Brody
Published: January 27, 2009

Ask mothers why babies are constantly picking things up from the floor or ground and putting them in their mouths, and chances are they'll say that it's instinctive - that that's how babies explore the world. But why the mouth, when sight, hearing, touch and even scent are far better at identifying things?
When my young sons were exploring the streets of Brooklyn, I couldn't help but wonder how good crushed rock or dried dog droppings could taste when delicious mashed potatoes were routinely rejected.
Since all instinctive behaviors have an evolutionary advantage or they would not have been retained for millions of years, chances are that this one too has helped us survive as a species. And, indeed, accumulating evidence strongly suggests that eating dirt is good for you.
In studies of what is called the hygiene hypothesis, researchers are concluding that organisms like the millions of bacteria, viruses and especially worms that enter the body along with "dirt" spur the development of a healthy immune system. Several continuing studies suggest that worms may help to redirect an immune system that has gone awry and resulted in autoimmune disorders, allergies and asthma.

These studies, along with epidemiological observations, seem to explain why immune system disorders like multiple sclerosis, Type 1 diabetes, inflammatory bowel disease, asthma and allergies have risen significantly in the United States and other developed countries.
"What a child is doing when he puts things in his mouth is allowing his immune response to explore his environment," Mary Ruebush, a microbiology and immunology instructor, wrote in her new book, "Why Dirt Is Good" (Kaplan). "Not only does this allow for 'practice' of immune responses, which will be necessary for protection, but it also plays a critical role in teaching the immature immune response what is best ignored."

One leading researcher, Dr. Joel Weinstock, the director of gastroenterology and hepatology at Tufts Medical Center in Boston, said in an interview that the immune system at birth "is like an unprogrammed computer. It needs instruction."
He said that public health measures like cleaning up contaminated water and food have saved the lives of countless children, but they "also eliminated exposure to many organisms that are probably good for us."

"Children raised in an ultra-clean environment," he added, "are not being exposed to organisms that help them develop appropriate immune regulatory circuits."
Studies he has conducted with Dr. David Elliott, a gastroenterologist and immunologist at the University of Iowa, indicate that intestinal worms, which have been all but eliminated in developed countries, are "likely to be the biggest player" in regulating the immune system to respond appropriately, Elliott said in an interview. He added that bacterial and viral infections seem to influence the immune system in the same way, but not as forcefully.
Most worms are harmless, especially in well-nourished people, Weinstock said. "There are very few diseases that people get from worms," he said. "Humans have adapted to the presence of most of them."
In studies in mice, Weinstock and Elliott have used worms to both prevent and reverse autoimmune disease. Elliott said that in Argentina, researchers found that patients with multiple sclerosis who were infected with the human whipworm had milder cases and fewer flare-ups of their disease over a period of four and a half years. At the University of Wisconsin, Madison, Dr. John Fleming, a neurologist, is testing whether the pig whipworm can temper the effects of multiple sclerosis.
In Gambia, the eradication of worms in some villages led to children's having increased skin reactions to allergens, Elliott said.
And pig whipworms, which reside briefly in the human intestinal tract, have had "good effects" in treating the inflammatory bowel diseases, Crohn's disease and ulcerative colitis, he said.
How may worms affect the immune system? Elliott explained that immune regulation is now known to be more complex than scientists thought when the hygiene hypothesis .......

To read the FULL Report click here......http://www.iht.com/articles/2009/01/27/healthscience/snbabies.1-416618.php?page=1

A Brilliant Obama Joke !

Husband versus Wife !

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles,
not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument
and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically,
"Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied,
"The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked,
"What?"

CREATION
A man said to his wife one day,
"I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."
The wife responded,
"Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said,
"You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said,
" You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it,
because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides,
it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee.
"Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible,
and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages,
that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS".

THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE),
he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM."
He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up,
only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper bythe bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT !